September 4, 2013
Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why? That is the topic of today’s Daily Prompt. When I saw the prompt this morning, I about fell out of my bed. I always like to get in a bit of writing before I head off to work, and that is how I ran into Daily Prompt, “Good morning, Ms. Prompt. Fancy meeting you here.”
“Ms. Vickie, This one’s for you.” And she was right, this one is for me.
Although I have had a full day to contemplate which parts of my soul I should lay bare in today’s post, I still cannot settle on a direction. My mind is scattered and jumbled with thoughts and dictates and reveals and suppositions.
If I thought I was going to reveal a well-kept secret to you, dear Readers, time dictates that I should have written this post this morning as to give my readers time for the big reveal to sink in. However, it is my supposition that my readers already know that I oftentimes prefer to rely only on myself.
I am fiercely independent, so much so as to the exclusion of all others, especially family. On the other hand, I am deeply reliant; deeply reliant and dependent on my family for my emotional survival. I am a conundrum
“If you want something done right, do it yourself.” I can’t remember how old I was when I first began using this old saying as the impetus for my self-reliance. However, it has been hanging around me for quite a few decades, four, at least. And as with a lot of my psyche, I can trace this back to childhood.
I am the second to oldest in a family of eight. Suffice it to say, I did a lot of babysitting my siblings. And in case you didn’t know dear Readers, younger brothers love to make things difficult for their older sisters, and I have five, five younger brothers. Asking any one of them to do something while under my care was just begging to look irresponsible in my parents’ eyes. Needless to say, younger siblings do not like to make you look good to Mom and Dad for fear of having Older Sister taxed with babysitting again in the future.
Now, I’m not saying that my younger siblings deliberately did a half-ass job on any of the chores I asked them to do whenever I would watch them. However, I am saying…ahh, forget it, it is exactly what I am saying. Hence, the old saying, “If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.” It just became easier to do it myself than to rely on my younger siblings to give a sister a break.
Throughout the years, I became more and more proficient at relying on myself. This is a double edged sword. Doing things for myself, I have come to cherish the accolades and atta-girls I receive. Taking full blame however, really sucks. Fortunately, the slaps on the backs were more frequent than the slaps on the wrists.
These days, asserting my independence is more habit than any personal philosophy I may or may not have had throughout my life. I am getting tired of sharing my personal victories with only myself. My personal triumphs have begun to ring hollow. Whereas it used to be, “I am a rock, I am an island,” it is now “Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee.”
I’m learning to let go of archaic beliefs about myself, namely, that I can do it all by myself. Subsequently, that leaves open the possibility that there is room in my life for a significant other. Wait! What? A significant who? Well dear Readers, I will leave that Pandora’s box for another day. Peace, ~v.