October 11, 2013
There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Eccl 3:1, 4
As summer reluctantly gives way to fall in the Sonoran Desert, I am reminded that I, too am entering the fall of my life. Just as I look forward every year to this, my favorite season, I have looked forward to embarking on this season in my own life. I am comfortable with the emotion I associate with fall, melancholy. I am also comfortable with the adjectives that spring forth when I think of the fall: forlorn and despondent. In fact, I can assure you dear Readers, that as I enter the fall of my life, forlorn, despondent and melancholy are places on the map with which I am most familiar. But, I want to change all that.
Today’s Daily Prompt: Mid-season Replacement. For many of us the seasons are changing, bouncing unpredictably between cold and warm. Are you glad to be moving into a new season, or wishing for one more week of the old?
In order to move forward, I must look back. I began a transformation of sorts when I was living abroad. It’s a bit easier to shed your old skin and try something new on for size when no one knows who you were. However, just as we can count on fall turning to winter, so can we count on falling back on our old ways. That is, unless we look to our past and try to discover what is holding us back.
The Lord supports all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. Ps 145:14
My past. I have a definite connection to our Divine God. I pray and He answers. My problem is that I oftentimes don’t listen to His answers. It’s not so much that I ignore, it’s that I simply don’t pay attention. It’s not until something major happens to me that I realize that God was indeed sending me messages, signals, to direct me to new pathways in my life.
The new pathway has always been one of self change. I have always been reluctant to be introspective and act upon what I discover about myself. I’ve mostly chosen pensive and indecisiveness. But not always, I mean, I do have a solid foundation, so I do have something to work with. My greatest challenge has been to nourish and give to my soul first. Only then am I healthy enough to give others in my life what they need. It is time that my self change is permanent.
Fear not, you shall not be put to shame, you need not blush, for you shall not be disgraced. The shame of your youth you shall forget. The Lord calls you back. Is 54:4,6
My present. “What you strive for you already are,” was a message from God. This time, I listened. To be whole, to be complete has always been my goal. What I was striving for, I already was. I am not the sum of my selves, I am myself, the whole me, the complete me.
I have oftentimes retreated inward to regain my balance, my center, my Lord. However, in doing so, I have shut off the parts of me I am ashamed of, don’t want to deal with or are otherwise a nuisance to who I am striving to be. But that is not the answer. In wanting to be whole, I shut a part of my life away, However, I have since learned that when I wall in my capacity to love another person, I also wall in the part of my spirit that contains the capacity to love the Lord.
Additionally, when I conceal the parts of me that I am most ashamed, I conceal my humility and I am precluded from God’s mercy and forgiveness. So I have laid myself bare, so to speak, for all the world to see. I opened myself up to love, and I received love back. I revealed my shame, and I have been forgiven.
I have opened myself up, I have let light into a part of my life that has been secret, shut away. But, I must remember that I can of mine own self do nothing. John 5:30
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, […] and He will make straight your path. Prv 3:5,6
My future. I must take a leap of faith. In order to begin this new season of life, I must relinquish control and trust that God holds the plan for my life. Here is where my deepest fears may surface. The future is unknowable, but it is mine to behold. This is also where my truest possibilities lie. It is the end and it is the beginning. It is the change I have been seeking.
We are all teachers, and what we teach is what we need to learn, and so we teach it over and over again until we learn it. Perhaps this time, with God’s direction, it will be my season to learn. Peace, ~v.