December 12, 2013
“…this is me at my most vulnerable. This is me, warts and all. I am courageous because I dare to admit my faults, my stumbles, my fears and my frustrations. It is certainly not what I would choose to put on my curriculum vitae, but it is who I am.”
I wrote the above words in April of this year, I believe they still apply. But, I know what I have to do: Be Still.
I talk more than I listen, and I write more than I read. It is time for me to be still.
I will continue to work towards my goal of posting once a day for the next fourteen days, which will take us right up to Christmas Eve. In fact, I think my posts will be more thought provoking…just not today.
Today, I am going to repost my blog from April 18, 2013. I believe it still applies.
The following post is
dedicated to S. She always seems to know what I need to hear. Although, I truly
think she lives in my head. Peace, S, I love you.
This week has been extremely taxing, mentally. I have been so beat by the end
of the day that I have simply collapsed once I have reached home. Subsequently,
no writing has emerged from my otherwise nimble brain. This morning I was
determined to peck away at my keyboard. I set my alarm for 4:00am; I would have
at least two hours of blissful, peaceful quiet to concentrate on my writing.
Nothing. So I waited. Nothing. Finally, my lack of self-control got the better
of me and I began perusing Facebook, my guilty pleasure. I was just about to
logoff, when I received a post from S to watch these two talks. Each was about
20 minutes long. Well, S. has never steered me wrong before, so what have I got
to lose? Of course she hit the nail on the head once again, dear readers. Here
is the lesson(s) I learned this morning:
We all want to belong, to fit in somewhere and with someone. In order to do
this, we have to make connections to other people. In order to make connections
to other people, we must become vulnerable. In order to become vulnerable, we
must live wholeheartedly. In order to live wholeheartdly, we must not be afraid
to make mistakes. In order to not be afraid to make mistakes, we must be
courageous. In doing all of the above, we leave ourselves open to connect to
other people. Connecting to other people is such an essential part of our
existence. It is part and parcel of the human condition, no man being an island
However, shame and guilt keep us from being vulnerable to others. I am learning
to shed my shame and my guilt. I am learning how to vulnerable. And make no
mistake dear readers, being vulnerable is a learning process. It is a difficult
lesson at best, an unattainable goal at worst.
I have been told that I am courageous for doing what I am doing. You know,
coming halfway around the world to teach in another country to another culture.
But I think the most courageous thing I am doing is opening myself up to people
through my writing. I am connecting to people on such a different level through
my writing than I really thought possible. I am touched by the comments and the
“atta girl’s” I have received. I am really and truly connecting to
people for the first time in my life. Yes dear readers, this is me at my most
vulnerable. This is me, warts and all. I am courgeous because I dare to admit
my faults, my stumbles, my fears and my frustrations. It is certainly not what
I would choose to put on my curriculum vitae, but it is who I am. I am loving
as though there is no tomorrow. I am singing as though I am in my shower. I am
dancing as though no one can see me. I am living. I am vulnerable and I am
courageous. Peace, ~v.