My [redacted] Journey

A teacher's search for inner peace.

Things I Lost Last Year


My losses.

My losses.

January 3, 2014

Dear Readers,

Looking back on 2013, I realize that I lost numerous things.  In fact, when I started making a list (and checking it twice, LoL), I knew that it would be the subject of today’s blog post.  And just for the record, loss is not always a bad thing.

Beginning in January of 2013, I lost what had become my best friend:  my depression.  Depression and I were tight, we went everywhere together, did everything together, and most nights, even slept together.  Well, no more!  I lost my depression.

Losing depression allowed me (caused me?) to lose other, incidental friends.  I lost my hopelessness.  That one left a mark, but, at least there is no scar and the place where my hopelessness used to reside is healing over nicely, thank you.  In turn, loneliness lost its’ place at my table.  By February, I was a brand new me.

For the first time in quite a few years, bitterness was nowhere to be found.  Trust me, I looked high and low for that son of a…nowhere, gone, I’d lost it.  By the end of March, I sensed that I was on somewhat shaky ground, as I no longer saw glasses of water as half empty.  Yes, dear Readers, I had lost my pessimism.  Fortunately, I found his brother, optimism.

The losses I discovered and suffered during the summer of 2013 were awesome in their power.  First, I lost a job I cherished.  Along with the loss of my job I lost my car, my apartment and all its’ contents, my clothes, and subsequently, the ability to retain my residency in a foreign country I had grown to love.  Even while I was losing all of that, I managed to lose my albatross.  I lost the unrelenting grief I had harbored for 26 years over the loss of my daughter.  It too, had taken a hike.

By September’s end, I lost the love of a good man.  Which was a damn sight better than what he lost; he lost his life.  Following that, I began to suffer the loss of my hair.  Whether I pull it out or it just falls out, stress does that to me.  It’s growing back.  I lost one other important person in my life, my younger sister.  Well, truth be told, I’m still looking for her.

By the beginning of the winter, I had moved into a new home and lost exactly two things.  The first was my jewelry.  I didn’t really own much, but, what I did have I cherished.  I can account for everything else, just not my jewelry.  I’ll buy more.  The second thing I lost was my dog, Emma.  Oh, she’s fine, the little so-and-so.  I lost her to my brother-in-law, George.  Emma decided that she belonged to George instead of me, so, she left.  Not really though, we still live in the same house together.  So, I guess you can say that I haven’t really lost her.

By the end of 2013 I had lost 55 pounds, that’s 25 kilograms for the metric people out there.  I lost the weight over the course of the year.  I lost the weight the correct way.  Too bad I didn’t lose my taste for all things fattening.

Finally, along with losing the weight, I lost every excuse I have ever had to run in a marathon, baby-marathon, actually.  I have always wanted to run a 5k at least once in my life.  It is not the distance I am aiming for, it is the stamina I will need to endure such a run.  In one year’s time, I would like to tick this particular event off of my bucket list.  I turn 50 this year, and I would like to celebrate the half-century mark with something I never gave myself any hope of completing.

There you have it, dear Readers, my losses for the year 2013.  Oh yeah, one more thing.  The picture I used for this post was taken last month,  mid-December.  When my nina, my godmother, saw it she remarked, “Not only have you lost weight, it looks like you’ve lost some years too.”  Well!  Just one more thing to add to my list of losses for the year 2013.  Peace, ~v.

I am adding a post script, dear Readers.  I am participating in Zero to Hero:  30 days to a better blog .  Today is day 2 and so I am going to be linking back to the main page of the program throughout the next month.  I will also list links to blogs I have found that interest me if you would care to check any of them out!  Peace, ~v.


7 thoughts on “Things I Lost Last Year

  1. One of my favorites!!! I love this one mom!! Great job!


  2. I kept thinking of Elizabeth Bishop’s “One Art”-

    I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
    some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
    I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

    – Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
    I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
    the art of losing’s not too hard to master
    though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

    Those are the last 2 stanzas in the poem. I’m sorry for the losses that have been painful ones, and I rejoice in those that have freed you. What a lovely way of recounting this year. Brava!


    • Thank you for the comment and especially the tip on the poem. Not being familiar with the poem you quoted, I looked it up. What a fitting poem, I love it. “the art of losing’s not too hard to master” is now among my favorite lines of poetry! Thank you. victoria


      • You’re welcome!

        I’m not actually a huge fan of poetry, but Elizabeth Bishop is one of my favorite modern poet. And yes, that’s one of my favorite lines, as well.


  3. At first when I began to read it I was sad for you! As I got to reading though I smiled! Seems like you’ve had a blessed year. 🙂 I hope this one is even better!!! Thank you for the shout out too. Very appreciated!


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