July 8, 2014
I am happy with myself. This, in turn, leads to my being happy with my job, my relationships, my life. I have not always felt this way. I can look back through the years and see the times when I was unhappy with my job, miserable even. And the times that I have been unhappy with my relationships are too numerous to mention. Now, however, I can see a recurring theme during the unhappy portions of my life. There was always one thing present when I was miserable. In fact, at times, this one thing was the only thing that stuck with me. It was the only thing I could not shake. During the periods in my life when I was not happy with my situation, I was not happy with myself.
Being happy with myself is the happiness from which all other happiness flows. I’ve spent a lifetime intertwining my life with unhappy people, places, and things. I use to think things like, “If only this person would act differently, then I could be happy.” Or I would think, “Why can’t I have a job that doesn’t make me miserable?” There was always a contributing factor that made me unhappy with myself. The equation went something like this: Unhappy with co-workers + Unhappy with job = Unhappy with myself. I could not have been more wrong. After all, it’s my life, any happy or unhappy should begin with me. It wasn’t until I realized this that my happiness started to fall into place. These are the four measures I took.
I did not come to these beliefs all by myself, dear Readers. However, I suspect some may not take me seriously if they knew beforehand where I learned these four lessons. Given that, I will give credit where credit is due, at the end of this post.
1. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. This is a most difficult thing to learn, much less accept. Because I would often chase after friends, lovers, etc., who no longer wanted to be in my life, I was unhappy with my life. No, no, no. Because I was unhappy with my life, I would often chase after friends, lovers, etc. who no longer wanted to be in my life. You see, if I was happy with my life, I certainly wouldn’t want people around me who did not want to be around me. Let go of the people who want to be let go.
2. Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season and you’ve got to know which is which. This one is certainly a hard pill to swallow, especially if you are in love with someone who is only meant to stick around for a season. I have had plenty of migrant lovers, you know, here one season and gone the next. Some of those I believed were meant to last a lifetime. Decidedly, it has taken me years to figure out which is which.
3. Get up and go on with your life. Unhappy with your job? Unhappy with your relationships, your life? Then more than likely, you are unhappy with yourself. Well, get up and go on with your life. Getting up and getting on with the business of my life has always ever been my only choice. However, I kept doing the same things and I was still unhappy. What gives? It wasn’t until I learned step #4 that I began to become aware of what was standing in the way of a happy me.
4. You’ve got to learn to be by yourself. Go work on you. This is something I know too many people have never tried. If I am miserable, the misery begins with me. Looking back through my life, my being unhappy with myself was the catalyst for so many other things for me to be unhappy about. Not the other way around. I had to work on me, by myself, for myself. I changed the things I was unhappy with, and kept the things I appreciated about myself. Consequently, I ended up happy with myself.
Now dear Readers, I am happy with myself. This, in turn, leads to my being happy with my job, my relationships, my life. I am much more grounded and centered than I have ever been. For those of you who know me, that has been a long time coming. And I owe it all to Madea. You know, Tyler Perry’s fictional character, Madea. The four steps I incorporated into my everyday life come from Madea. But it ain’t easy. Madea’s answer to that? “Ain’t nobody said it was gonna be easy, but it’ll get easier when you learn how to love yourself.” No truer words have ever been spoken. Peace, ~v.
Follow this link and read Madea’s advice in its entirety.