My [redacted] Journey

A teacher's search for inner peace.

Saved ~ Part I

28 Comments


October 28, 2014

Dear Readers,

The following is Part I in a series.  It’s all true.  Peace, ~v.

Preface

I have started to write the following post more than once in the past month or so, but I could never get past the first paragraph. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write this post, it’s just that every time I sit down to type it, my mind either goes blank or it whirls with questions whose answers I haven’t been able to receive through prayer. Either way, I end up sitting at my computer, staring off into space. Now however, it’s time.

Before I begin, I humbly ask my family, specifically my children and my mother, to forgive me for not telling them about my accident. It was, and still is so surreal that I have trouble believing it actually happened the way that it did.  Suffice it to say that mine was the only vehicle involved, and I was the only one hurt (but just a little). Also, and I suppose I should have mentioned this first, I am fine, really, really fine. Then again, that seems to be my problem.

Some Great Day

“If you can just stay awake, you’ll live,” said the voice, as my head slammed into the driver’s side door of my truck. Seconds before, I had been winding my way through the beautiful Cerbat Mountains, on my way home from an almost perfect day of school. Now, I was just another motorist involved in a highway accident, a victim, a statistic. How did I get here? And more importantly, why was I spared?

I have written and rewritten the above paragraph over and over again until I have it memorized. I can revise it no more. It is, as they say, what it is, and no amount of editing on my part is going to change that. Here’s the thing, I was in this stupid accident and I’m having difficulty writing about it, much less accepting it. The difficulty in writing is two-fold, really. I fractured my left wrist, my writing hand, so no journal writing. And typing with only my right hand is slow and tedious. As for the acceptance part, well, that one’s on its way.

My day had ended on such a high note. It was one of those rare days since becoming a teacher that I was going home without reflecting on what I could have done differently with my lesson so that more of my students would have been engaged. I didn’t have to reflect on the negatives of the lesson; all of my students had mostly been on task. They even seemed to have enjoyed the web quest I sent them on and creating power point presentations of their cyber-journey.

I must say, I was proud of my students at the end of that day. Collectively, they seemed to have conquered the maturity speed bump of behaving appropriately in the computer lab. I made a mental note to be sure and tell them how proud I was of them the next day. And with that, I locked up my classroom and started for home.

The Drive

Unburdened by the day’s events, I was more relaxed than usual. That’s not to say that I was fall-asleep-relaxed. No, I was just not as uptight as I usually am and I didn’t have a death grip on the steering wheel like I usually do. I have an hour’s ride home every day through the Cerbat Mountains and it usually takes me a good 20 minutes before I begin to loosen my grip and relax my shoulders. Any other day of the workweek, the beautiful scenery coupled with a soothing audio book is usually sufficient to bring me back to center.

As a creature of habit, I grabbed my phone, ready to peruse my digital library for a relaxing yet engaging audible to accompany me on my drive home. But before my nimble fingers had finished tapping out my super, secret pass code, I paused, I smiled, and I shook my head.

“Not today,” I said to no one in particular, unless you count Siri who was fast asleep, my having not unlocked my phone. I placed my phone in the middle console, secure in the fact that I would need no calming narrative to ease my stress; I had none. I happily eased out of the parking lot.

The next 20 minutes are difficult for me to put into words. All of my senses were heightened. I was aware of every bend in the road as I wound my way through town and up towards the mountains. At one point, it dawned on me that I had missed all of the bumps and potholes on the road without even trying. I also remember catching most, if not all green lights on my way out of town. I had a positive vibe within and without and all around me. I was happy and smiling and feeling…different.

Right before I hit the last light out of town, it dawned on me that perhaps I was feeling too prideful. Usually when I have a particularly good day, I credit myself first, my students second. That is a hard thing to admit, and my pride always goes before my fall (deservedly so, I might add). This particular day, it wasn’t like that. I was proud of my students and wasn’t even thinking that I had anything to do with their reaching a maturity milestone.

I was feeling so good that I reached for my phone with the intent of listening to some music that matched my mood. This time, my fingers didn’t even touch the screen before my hand was putting the phone back into its cradle. My mind wanted to soak up this good feeling without interference.

Rolling Over

I was doing the speed limit, 65 mph, and I was about seven miles into the uphill mountain road. Although I can recall with pristine clarity everything that occurred as my truck began to roll, I cannot explain what happened in the moments before I lost control of the truck.
I felt the truck begin to roll toward the driver’s side, only two wheels on the road. I saw a car in front of me and knew I was going to roll right into its rear end. I closed my eyes, let go of the steering wheel and went completely limp. That’s when I heard the voice.

“If you can just stay awake, you’ll live,” said the voice, as my head slammed into the driver’s side door. This was the first roll. As I rolled upside down, it dawned on me that I was in no pain. “I’m dead,” I thought as I felt the truck roll upright.

“You won’t die if you stay awake,” said the voice. This time I felt the left side of my body slam into the ground. This was the second roll. Even though my body had struck the ground, I was still belted into the cab of the truck and I was about to turn upside down, again. I could feel the roof of the cab crushing down on me. “How come my head doesn’t hurt?” I wondered. My body felt the impact each time the truck rolled over. But I couldn’t feel the pain.

As the truck began to right itself for the second time, I knew we had too much momentum to stop. “One more,” said the voice. This was the third and final roll. I could feel that my glasses had remained on my face and I was struck with the oddest of thoughts, “My head doesn’t hurt because I’m still wearing my glasses,” (I’m still trying to figure that one out). It was then that the truck pounded to a stop, right side up. “Stay awake,” spoke the voice one last time, and then it disappeared.

The truck had stopped with such force, and my body had been moving with such tremendous momentum that my legs were flung ragdoll-like out of the cab. The mangled driver’s side door having worn out its usefulness, offered no more protection. My hips were safely wedged between the lap portion of the seat belt and the desert floor as I half sat, half dangled from the front seat. The only thing stopping me from lying in repose was the seat belt shoulder strap wrapped around my neck like a noose.

Within seconds, I whipped off the shoulder strap from around my neck, unbuckled the seat belt holding me hostage, and walked away from the crash.

To be continued.

Advertisements

28 thoughts on “Saved ~ Part I

  1. Wow, this is such a moving, powerful account and proves a higher force is out there. Thank you for sharing this; I can’t wait to read the rest.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my goodness Victoria. It is a miracle you are alive! This gave me goosebumps reading it. Trying to picture your descriptions was terrible! (Sorry, I don’t mean that the way it reads). I don’t want to “LIKE” this post because I feel like it would be like sticking pins in a doll, or something like that. Ooops, sorry, I accidently pushed LIKE, but not because of the accident! So very glad you are alive and well to tell about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Having been in an accident myself a few months ago on a very normal day, I can understand how you are feeling. Luckily, everyone was safe. You are very brave in writing about it. I can never put those moments into words; they are still too scary for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for writing about such a difficult and scary incident. After any kind of disaster we often replay the event so many times, it seems we live them over and over again. Maybe “getting it out there” will help. I hope so.

    As for your writing, this is an excellent piece. You put so much of yourself into it that it is real. You build up to the accident in a good way which holds the reader’s attention. Then, as you bring the us to the climax, you resolve it with a simple “walked away from the crash.” And we all breathe a collective sigh of relief. You were so clear that we could almost live it with you.

    Thank you. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    • thank you for your comment. i am relieved to hear that people involved in disasters replay the event over and over. after the accident i felt isolated, i believe it was because i replayed the accident too many times , living i the moment over and over again. writing this has helped stop the loop in my head.
      i often feel completely drained at the end of writing a post because i leave everything i can give in the writing. thank you for your comment and thank you for reading.
      ~victoria

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I have always thought that there are guardian angels. I know that I have one and after reading your piece, I know that you have one also.

    Liked by 1 person

    • thank you for your comment and thank you for reading. it has taking me a few years to accept that i do have a guardian angel. i am pleased that my angel is my protector as well.
      ~victoria

      Like

  6. This is wild! You write it sooo well! I was caught up in it and just sorry that I wasn’t reading a fiction story, that you had to go through this! But am very thankful that you were able to walk away! Thanking God for sending you a guardian angel just when you needed it! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • i put my reply out of place…so here it is:
      your comment made me smile. i thought the same thing as i read my post, “man, i wish this was fiction!” my guardian angel sure was working overtime that day. unfortunately, i have only been able to walk away from it physically; mentally and emotionally i am taking baby steps. fortunately, writing about it helps. thank you for the read.
      ~victoria

      Like

  7. I do believe its a miracle. Or maybe your guardian angels. Usually when people go into unusual events in their life, this is a reminder that we have a greater mission in life, or a greater purpose in life that needs to be done, or you need to do perhaps. Everyone has a general mission in life though, but I think each one has specific missions, (aka, like James Bond only for us its not given specifically) the reason why we are here on earth. Something that we are all in search. Glad we are here on wordpress, sharing thoughts and ideas. Will you make it into a story? On my end it is a good story, (only a story) that is inspirational, spiritual, ethereal. What will you make out of it? As I am writing these comments, I am talking to myself as well. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Like

    • now see, you have written the words and now they are real! i too thought the same thing about having been saved for a greater purpose and all. but as long as i kept it to myself, i didnt have to acknowledge it. now you’ve gone and done it..i’ll have to really put some prayers, thoughts, and meditation behind where do i fit into this existence and how can i facilitate learning my special purpose.. thank you, really, really thank you. i too am grateful for the interaction.
      ~victoria

      Like

  8. your comment made me smile. i thought the same thing as i read my post, “man, i wish this was fiction!” my guardian angel sure was working overtime that day. unfortunately, i have only been able to walk away from it physically; mentally and emotionally i am taking baby steps. fortunately, writing about it helps. thank you for the read.
    ~victoria

    Like

  9. Pingback: She Talks to Angels | My [redacted] Journey

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s